Spacemergency
by Jade14
Summary: A messed up space film by Dave Malucci.
1. Default Chapter Title

Summary: Just another anecdote from my perverse mind. Enjoy. Feedback to mara_ditullio@hotmail.com 

Visit my website: 

www.geocities.com/brenda_d165082000/index.html 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

(Dave looks into camera) 

[Dave]Hello. My name is Dave Malucci and I am making this film for Mr. Willow's film class at Chicago Junior College where I am currently taking weekend classes. My fellow colleugues at the hospital have agreed to help me with this project- 

[Mark] He's paying us. 

[Dave]Get out of the shot Dr. Greene! Anyway...where was I? Oh, yeah...my fellow collegues- 

[Mark]You already said that. 

[Dave]I said get out of the shot! (whispers) They must have removed more than that tumor from your brain... 

[Mark]What? 

[Romano] Can we get on with this? I have a small bowel obstruction in an hour and a half. 

[Dave] Well if you two would get out of the shot I could finish the prolouge and we could get on with it. 

[Romano&Mark] Fine. 

( Dave looks into camera again) 

[Dave] Well, this is called Spacemergency, and I hope you like it. 

[Romano] One hour and twenty-eight minutes... ( Camera goes fuzzy) 

( We see a piece of poster board with writing scribbled on it) 

[Poster] A long time ago in an emergency room far far away... 

**Spacemergency!**

****[New Poster] Starring: 

John Skycarter-John Carter 

Dave Solucci-Dave Malucci 

Greenbacca -Mark Greene 

Princess Lizzia-Elizabeth Corday 

Darth Venton-Peter Benton 

Emperor Rocket-Robert Romano 

Chen-3PO-Jing-Mei Chen 

L-U-K-A-Luka Kovac 

Admril Crutch-Kerry Weaver 

Cleo the Finch-Cleo Finch 

Stormnurses-Malik, Yosh, Jerry 

Rebelnurses-Haleh, Lydia, Chuny, Connie 

Girl on the other side of the com-Randi 

Old-Gabe Kenobi-Gaberial Lawrence 

( We see Elizabeth Corday fixing her hair while the female and male nurses squirt each other with sringes full of saline) 

[Malik] Die rebel scum! 

[Haleh] Never! We will save Princess Lizzia! 

[Yosh] This film is very violent Dave. 

[Dave (behind camera) ] Stick to the script Yosh! You're supposed to be a storm nurse! 

[Yosh] Oh, right. 

( He squirts Chuny and Haleh. Malik and Jerry squirt Connie and Lydia and they fall) 

[Elizabeth] Oh my! My reinforcements have fallen! I must save the plans to the new surgery room! If the surgens succed in opening the emergency OR room in the ER, they will take over and we will all be doomed! 

( She runs off screen, the scene fades to the sutures room. We see Elizabeth giving a floppy disk to Jing-Mei, wearing a sexy gold catsuit, and Luka, squatted down on all fours on a skateboard, with an upsidown bowl on his head) 

[Jing-Mei] Dave why is it nessasary for me to wear this? Its too tight. 

[Dave] Shut up and read your lines. (He high-fives Romano behind the camera) 

[Elizabeth] L-U-K-A, you must take this disk to Old-Gabe Kenobi. He is our only hope. 

(She puts the floppy disk in Luka's mouth) 

[Luka] How did I get myself into this? 

[Malik]There she is! 

[Jerry] Sedate her! .5 of Hedrol Yosh. 

( Elizabeth runs, but the stormnurses sedate her) 

[Malik] Inform Lord Venton we have a prisonor. 

( Peter Benton walkes into sutures. Instead of evil Imperial music, we hear the theme song to ER) 

[Peter] We will find the plans. 

(Scene fades to front desk. Randi and Frank are looking at the computer) 

[Randi] There goes another helicopter from the roof. 

[Frank] Hold your fire. The scanner says there are no Americans inside. 

[Randi] OK. 

[Romano] Allright, that's it, I have to go. 

[Dave] Can't you wait? 

[Romano] The small bowel obstruction calls. We can finish when I'm done. 

[Dave] Ok. 

( Camera goes fuzzy) 

TO BE CONTINUED... 


	2. Default Chapter Title

Summary: Just another anecdote from my perverse mind. Enjoy. Feedback to mara_ditullio@hotmail.com 

Visit my website: 

www.geocities.com/brenda_d165082000/index.html 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

(Dave looks into camera) 

[Dave]Were back, filming part 2. 

(Camera veers off and we see John Carter, skipping around the bathroom with sand on the floor, wearing a white dress with a belt around the waist over baggy grey sweat pants tucked into a pair of Luka's heavy winter boots. His hair has been dyed with Dave's left over bleach) 

[Doug] John Skycarter! 

[Carter] Comming Uncle Doug! 

[Luka] What's he doing here? 

[Dave] Malik wanted the stormnurses to kill him off. 

[Luka] Good Idea! Can I be a storm nurse? PLEASE??!!! 

[Dave] No. Stick to the script. Your R2-D2, I mean, L-U-K-A. 

[Doug] I thought I had to pick up one last paycheak? 

[Dave] Yeah... 

[Carol] I don't know where you get these ideas Malucci, but I DON"T look ANYTHING like Aunt Beru. 

[Luka] PLEASE can I kill off Uncle Doug? Please? 

[Dave] OK, lets just skip this part. Thr Rosses can go back to Seattle now. 

[Malik] But the storm nurses were supposed to kill off Uncle Doug! I want to kill Doug! 

[Luka] Me to!! 

[Doug] Where's my paycheak? 

( Camera goes fuzzy and comes back to the sandy bathroom John is walking/skipping with Gabe Lawrence looking very confused in a brown labcoat with a hood, Luka with the bowl on his head wheeling behind them on his skateboard, and Chen picking the wedgie the gold catsuit is giving her.) 

[John] So I'm a jedi, Old-Gabe Kenobi? 

[Gabe] You tell me. 

[Dave] That's not your line Dr. Lawrence. 

[Gabe] I forgot my line. 

[Dave] Oh. 

[Jing-Mei] I am fluent in over six million forms of communication... 

[Luka] We know Chen-3PO. I mean....beep. 

[Jing-Mei] Why does my charachter say that so much? 

[Luka] Didn't you see Star Wars? I mean...beep beep? 

[Jing-Mei] No... 

[Gabe] (looking at a script) Let's go in that cantina and get some! 

[Dave] (laughing) Uh..Dr. Lawrence.. 

[Gabe] I mean...get some transportation to Mercy...where we will give this floppy disk to the doctors there! 

[John] Okay, let's go!! 

( They skip across the street to Doc Magoos) 

[Gabe] John Skycarter, this is Greenebacca, and he will show us to a captain of a bycicle we might get transportation on! 

( we see Dr. Greene, wearing a homeless mans fuzzy brown coat that Dave pulled out of the lost and found) 

[Mark] This is unsanitary. 

[John] Lead the way, Greenebacca! The droids will have to stay outside. 

[Jing-Mei] Damn... 

[Luka] Bring me back a burger? 

[John] Droids don't eat Luka. 

[Luka] (pissed) Oh, just because Im sitting on this stupid skatebored and I'm wearing this damn bowl on my head makes me a droid? 

[Romano] Yeah dumbass. 

[Dave] Dr. Romano, you are not in this scene. 

[Luka] I'm hungry! 

[Mark] Why do I have to be Greenebacca? 

[Jing-Mei] Because your last name is Greene. 

[John] Duh. 

[Gabe] Double duh. ( lookes around) Where am I? 

[Dave] You guys are so not reading the script. 

[Gabe] Kerry? 

[Dave] I really need a good grade on this you guys. 

[Mark] Why does this coat smell like burnt pigions? 

[Dave] CUT! 

( Camera goes fuzzy) 

( Gabe, John, and Mark are now in Doc Magoos) 

[John] Where is this bycicle captain, Greenebacca? 

[Mark] Behind the Camera. 

( Everyone looks at Dave) 

[Dave] What? 

[John] Your in this scene, Dave Solucci. 

[Dave] Oh, yeah. 

( Dave puts down the camera, we see linolium flooring.) 

[Dave] Oh, yeah, someone has to hold the camera. 

(The camera is picked up by Romano) 

[Romano] I'll hold the camera! 

[Dave] OK. Just don't break it. 

[Romano] Why do you think I would break it? 

[Dave] My granfather is your age and he's afraid of his answering machine. 

[Gabe] I'm afraid of my microwave. 

[John] That's nice. 

[Gabe] I hear voices. 

( John rubbes his back and moves away from Gabe) 

[Romano] ( looking through the camera) The power...THE POWER!!!!! 

[Dave] Uhh...Dr. Romano? 

[Romano] Sorry. Go on with the scene. 

[Dave] So you need transportation on my bycicle? 

[Gabe] Only if its a fast bycicle. 

[Dave] Its only as fast as you push the pedals. 

[Gabe] I'll use the TPTB to push the bike! 

[John] TPTB controls your destiny. 

[Dave] Whatever. 

( Camera goes fuzzy, and we see our heroes in the trash compactor. Princess Lizzia is making out with Greenebacca, and everyone else is trying to find a way out.) 

[Dave] Hey Chen-3PO. 

[Jing-Mei] Hey. 

[Dave] Later, do you want to.. (Dave whisperes something in her ear) 

[Jing-Mei] I'm sorry Captain Solucci. That's not in my programing. 

[Dave] Damn. 

[Romano] Hey Malatucchi? 

[Dave] Yeah? 

[Romano] What does this flashing battary mean? 

[Dave] That just means that the battary's running low, you have to- 

(camera goes fuzzy) 

TO BE CONTINUED... When the cast members recharge the battery. 


	3. Default Chapter Title

Summary: Just another anecdote from my perverse mind. Enjoy. Feedback to mara_ditullio@hotmail.com 

Visit my website: 

www.geocities.com/brenda_d165082000/index.html 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

(Dave looks into camera) 

[Dave]We have recharged the battery, and are filming Part 3. And...ACTION! 

[Peter] Good morning, Emperor Rocket. 

[Romano] I am glad you survived the Operating Room blowing up. 

[Peter] Why? I thought you didn't like me. 

[Romano] I don't. But you dated Princess Lizzia. I need information, because one day, she will be mine! MUhhHHHHAAaaaahHHHhHHaaaaA!! 

[Peter] Isn't Darth Benton supposed to have a helmet Dave? 

[Dave] Well, you're already black, so I didn't see the need for the extra costume expense. 

[Peter] Oh. That makes sense. 

[Dave] And your name is Venton, not Benton. 

[Peter] OK. 

[Romano] Can we get on with this? 

[Peter] Yes...Uhh....What do you want to know about Princess Lizza? 

[Romano] Is she a natural redhead? 

[Dave] Dr. Romano, thats not in the script. 

[Romano] Yes it is. 

[Dave] No its not. 

[Romano] I rewrote the script, okay Malatucci? 

[Dave] Okay. 

[Romano] So? 

[Peter] I...Uhh...I plead the fifth. 

[Romano] This is an Empire, Darthy. There's no Constitution. Tell me! 

[Dave] OK, Next Scene! (mumbles) Boy, I'm not getting anywhere with this film... 

(Camera goes fuzzy) 

TO BE CONTINUED... 

Yeah I know its short. If you want more Review! 


	4. Default Chapter Title

Summary: Just another anecdote from my perverse mind. Enjoy. Feedback to mara_ditullio@hotmail.com 

Visit my website: 

www.geocities.com/brenda_d165082000/index.html 

Thanks to Etteyfal for 'Yosha'. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

[Dave] Well, here we are, filming part 4. 

[Romano] This is taking up worktime. 

[Elizabeth] Shut up, Robert. 

[Dave] I'm seriously thinking of scraping this film. 

[Mark] This coat isn't smelling any better Dave. 

[Malik] I think thats you man. 

[Mark] Its the coat. 

[Yosh] Yeah, Its definatly you Dr. Greene. 

[Mark] Its not! 

[Carter] Romano, can I use the surgical reflector laser as a lightsaber? 

[Romano] Use the force. 

[Jar Jar] Mesa called Jar Jar Binks! Mesa your humble servent! 

[Dave] What the f*** is that? 

[Kerry] Dr. Lawrence, thake off the Jar Jar mask. 

[Gabe (the idiot formally known as Jar Jar) ] Ohhhhhhhh.............Big Bomba fish!! 

[Kerry] Dr. Lawrence!! 

[Dave] This is not in the script!!! 

[Elizabeth] You think this is bad? I have to use Aqua Net to keep this 'do in! My hair is flammable! 

[Romano] And it wasn't before? 

[Elizabeth] No! 

[Romano] Do you dye your hair? 

[Elizabeth] What? 

[Romano] Nevermind, I'll ask Peter. 

[Gabe] Exsquezzee me? 

[Carter] This isn't Episode 1, Dr. Lawrence. 

[Gabe] Mesa called Jar Jar Binks! 

[Carter] Ummmmm, your name is Dr. Lawrence. 

[Gabe] MESA CALLED JAR JAR BINKS!!!!!!! 

[Carter] OK, Jar Jar, whaterver. 

[Gabe] Mesa your humble servent! 

[Romano] Thwen get me a beer. 

[Dave] I have no control over this play. 

[Yosh] Do or do not. There is no try. 

[Kerry] And just who are you supposed to be? ( has given up trying to get the Jar Jar mask away from Gabe.) 

[Yosh] Yosha. 

[Kerry] Oh..... 

[Benton] Is this Star Wars or Episode 1? Because I refuse to play a blonde little kid. 

[Elizabeth] Can't Princess Lizzia fall in love with Greenebacca? 

[Dave] CUT!!!!!! That's IT!!!! This film is OVER!!! I'm doing something else. 

(Camera goes fuzzy) 

MORE TO COME IN THE DAVE MALUCCI FILM SERIES!!! 


End file.
